A Mess of Coincidences and Non-Gay Explanations
by RookieReporterZ
Summary: "Well-" It was now or never. "Buginette?" "I know you're Gay!" … Because our oblivious Marinette always jumps to the wrong conclusion … Chat Noir always finds ways to complement Adrien around her. When Ladybug notices, there was only one coherent conclusion that undoubtedly be denied.


Authors Note: Written because our oblivious Marinette always jumps to the wrong conclusion

Happy Birthday and thanks to icabypupp whose tales of hilarious conversation inspired this stupid one shot. It's for you! I know it's a week late but I hope you were worshipped like Chloe worships Ladybug 3

Keep reading, it gets better!

Everything has a way of being explained. From the way the earth moves on its axis to the fact of relativity. Everything can be understood eventually. However there are exceptions to this rule.

Coincidences can happen every so often, the odd mention of a name just like your friends or a book that has the same storyline as the one that you were reading. For Marinette, coincidences were just a way of explaining the unexplainable.

She used them to shape and deceive people with lies of her own creation. Lies that kept people safe, yes, but lies nonetheless. When one was a superhero protecting their identity, it was hard not to become an expert in the craft of covering up the truth.

As a result of this talent, she had become rather good at, not only twisting the truth but also recognising if it was false or unbelievable. At seeing coincidences and patterns.

Patterns were said to be the basis of our existence, famous mathematicians had stated. Whether Marinette believed this, she wasn't certain but she was sure that after spending a life fabricated on routine and pattern, she knew this recurrence was definitely not coincidental.

The first time that he had said it, it was an off hand comment. Trivial and conversational. He looked like he was filling time with mindless chatter. She didn't think too much as she rattled off about her long time crush, making sure not to say anything that would give her feelings away. He seemed to be happy with the answers that she gave and continued to spurr the conversation forward, chatting enthusiastically and agreeing with what she had said.

The second time he brought him up, she still thought nothing of it, it was considered normal for him to come back to a train of thought more than once. He seemed to be perfectly innocent, adding little bits of information here and there. Information that he shouldn't have known had he not been close to this person. This should have been the first sign to tip her off but after learning about her traitorous mouth, she figured that she had spewed the fact in something that she was saying. He might actually listen to what people say over the loud thrum of his ego. Just maybe... however unlikely that may be.

It was at the third conversation that they exchanged that Marinette started to get suspicious. Yes, it could still be considered as a coincidence but she had been playing this game of superheroes for the last two years, she knew the pattern that was usually expected. The trend was continuing, the pattern and outcome becoming clearer and clearer.

By the tenth mention that week, the coincidence could no longer be considered a coincidence anymore. It was a fully based fact. A piece of evidence that could only lead to one thing.

He could be a fan, but she couldn't imagine the Chat Noir being a fan of anyone other than himself.

Eventually, she couldn't stop herself. After all, curiosity killed the cat but satisfaction brought it back. If she got the answer to this question, the cat would definitely be satisfied enough to be resurrected from the depths of her curiosity.

It was Patrol anyway, they would be stuck together for the next hour. What better time to ask personal questions when one couldn't run away?

Starry sky glinted behind him as he turned to face her, black leather sparkling under the harsh commercial lights of Paris and a permanent smirk fixed onto his face.

"So, don't you think that Adrien Agreste's new summer line is cute?

"What do you think of him?

"I heard that you had to help him in the last Akuma Attack. Was he nice?"

Ahh, here it was. As much as Marinette loved to gush about Adrien Agreste, even she drew the line at the point where Chat Noir turned into a groupie.

The last few days were filled with idle talk of his new modeling gigs or his friends at the school that he went to or even interactions that Chat himself had with the famous Parisian Sunshine Child.

It was clear as day, by the way that Chat Noir talked about him, gushing about how amazing he was and asking her about what she thought of him. She could see...

Chat Noir had a crush on Adrien Agreste.

Focusing on the bigger picture, because really that was all that mattered, it also gave light to another, much more interesting, piece of information.

Chat Noir - THE suave, flirtatious with the ladies Chat Noir- was gay.

I mean, not that there was anything wrong with that, she thought, it was just… unexpected…

All those times that he was flirting with her, all the times that she had started to get genuine feelings, he was only covering up the truth.

She had to approach this situation carefully.

Swallowing her pride and gathering as much tact as she possessed, Marinette stood tall and squared her red and spotty clad shoulders.

Cutting of his answer, she started to present her question.

"Chat, we've been friends for a while now, two years even. You know you can trust me with everything and anything," she encouraged.

"Of course Bugaboo! You're one of my best friends, even more if you wanted to be," he responded with a wink.

See, this is what confused her, the flirting. He was sending too many mixed messages.

"Well, I just wanted you to know that I am here for you, no matter what you need to tell me. I won't abandon you for anything."

"Thanks LB but I am afraid that I don't know what you are talking about."

"Well-" It was now or never. Just blurt it out. Be polite and tactful.

"Buginette?"

"I know you're Gay!" She blurted out, eyes widening at what she had just said.

Marinette didn't think that she had seen Chat Noir speechless before that moment. Or silent for that matter. His forest eyes stared at her, coming out of their sockets. As ironic as it was, she had never seen a person -or cat- so closely resemble a fish.

So much for tact. Who was she kidding, she had never had any.

"What?" He croaked, dry and unbelieving.

"With the way that you talk about Adrien and- I just know all this stuff- I know that you might be having a… having a," she rambled, "HARD time just- accepting all this I guess and- you don't have to pretend that you like me to deny this- and uhh… I'm..I'm here for you… yeah."

Ugh, she was crap at this.

"Well, thanks for supporting me I guess," Chat coughed awkwardly, "but I'm not gay."

Huh? Still in denial?

"You don't have to pretend anymore, It's fine. You are a great person no matter what."

"M'lady, if I came out, which I am not doing, but if I DID, you would be first to know."

"I'm glad."

"I'm straight."

"That's nice," she remarked, sarcastically.

"It's also true."

"If you say so."

"I do, with full confidence."

"Chat-"

"I'm NOT GAY!"

"It might take a bit of time to adjust but you'll get there eventually. If it helps, your delusion is adorable."

"Normally, I would relish in the fact that you inadvertently called me adorable, but I like GIRLS. And I love you, Ladybug!"

His eyes shined with sincerity, voice soft and true. But Marinette still couldn't bring herself to trust it. The evidence was there. Facts couldn't lie, right?

"I am going to need more convincing than that. It's always a pattern, you've talked about him non-stop for the past two weeks. It's almost too much for me and I am the one who is head over heels in love with him!"

Almost as soon as she said that, she regretted it. And by the look of incredible joy and mischievousness on Chat's face proved that she was about to regret it even more.

Shit.

Clapping her hands over her mouth, she mumbled a response.

"I didn't mean that, I didn't mean that, I did not just say that.."

Clearly, she had to practice at lying to herself.

"It sounded like you just did, Princess." He smirked as he drew closer.

Princess?

"Chat, what are you doing?!"

"I am about to show you just how wrong you are. About me being gay, I mean. Convince you as you so eloquently said."

With that he jumped over to her, tilted her head and kissed her fully on the mouth.

The effect was instant, wandering hands threaded into hair, widened eyes closing.

Before she could comprehend what was happening, he let go and jumped away from the range of her fury. Not that she could do anything, Marinette was still shell shocked.

"If that doesn't prove it, I am happy to show you again," he smiled cheekily.

Looking at her shocked face again, he grinned wider. Blush coloured her face almost as red as her spotted mask.

"I'll patrol the east side, you can patrol the west. That should give you enough time to become a capable human being again."

Hopping away, a dark silhouette against the shimmering glow of the moon, he vaulted off the edge of the building. Marinette just watched him as the figure smeared across the skyline.

Wait, no! She still needed answers. Answers to ALL of this! Wow, Alya was really rubbing off on her.

"Chat!" She screamed, frigid wind carrying her plea, "What just happened? What about Adrien?"

Chat just looked back at her and answered simply. "Let's just say that I am close enough to him to know that he likes you too."

And he blended out of sight, like ink into the night.

—

It took awhile for the newly coherent superheroine to patrol the rest of the city and arrive back in the safety of her room. The blaring lights weren't the greatest thing for her already throbbing head.

Most of the time, ballet slipper pink was a calming colour but with the revelations of tonight, the soft and bright colour bled its way into her temples and confounded her brain. It wasn't as if that was the only reason for her headache.

Thoughts that seemed to be brandishing knives and spears battled around her head.

Thoughts of Adrien and Chat.

Thoughts of events tonight and over the last week.

Thoughts of violent maiming and torture that she wanted Chat to experience.

Thank God there were only two of them, those annoyingly handsome and stupidly perfect boys were going to be the death of her.

Or at least the reason that she was sent to jail for murder.

And what was his deal with kissing her? It was completely uncalled for and repulsive and … unpleasant and … just breathtaking…

She shook her head clear of THOSE thoughts.

If she had been able to move her limbs, she would have been disposing of his body by now. What a waste of time it was now thinking of this if she could make half of her problems- or a certain person- disappear, for good!

There was only one emotion that could describe how she felt about everything that was happening.

Marinette was confused.

If there was a prize for the most confusing sentence in the world, it would have been "Let's just say that I am close enough to him to know that he likes you too."

Or "Jesus gave people magic mushrooms", that would have won first prize.

But Chat's would have definitely come second!

Deciding she was getting nowhere, Marinette aggressively pulled on her pyjamas and flopped into her bed. Enveloped by pillows and blankets she felt safe, well, as safe as Ladybug could feel.

"Tikki, what do you think Chat meant by he is close enough to Adrien to know that he liked me?" Marinette asked, directing her attention to her floating Kwami as she circled her head before settling on the pillow.

Tikki looked up from the mangled cookie that she was attacking, innocent bluebell eyes shining against her scarlet face.

"Was this before or after he kissed you?" She questioned knowingly.

"Before… After… I don't know! Everything sort of blurred together after that!"

"Oh, was that the result?" Tikki teased.

"Not helping! It was absolutely horrible and… and..."

"Look who's in denial now, huh?" She giggled, an adorable and malevolent smile appearing.

How can something so cute be so evil?!

"Tikki, I need help! Your plotting is not helping… And NO, not even if it is helpful but without consent!"

"Just think about it," she stated wisely.

"What do you think that I am trying to do?!"

"Who do you think that would know both Adrien and Chat well enough to know all of the things that Chat has told you?"

Who WOULD know them both well enough? Oh no!

"NINO! How could he?!"

Tikki just shook her head in almost embarrassed sympathy.

"Think HARDER Marinette!"

Theory's swirled around her head but she was only dominated by one question.

"How did Chat Noir know so much about Adrien, even Nino and I don't know that much."

Tikki sighed, finally her thick oblivious holder was getting somewhere.

"Yes," prompted Tikki, "he wouldn't know that stuff unless he was…"

"Close to Adrien?"

Suddenly, a thought struck her. How many times had she caught Adrien too close to an Akuma attack? She always brushed it off as him working his modeling gigs but there were only so many coincidences she could overlook.

And why would Chat be so happy about her love for Adrien if he 'loved' her?

Coincidences were just a way of explaining the unexplainable but when they became explainable, they were no longer a coincidence. They were something else. A conclusion.

There was only one way that Chat Noir could know so much about Adrien.

Only if Chat Noir WAS Adrien.

And suddenly, everything that had happened from the last two years made so much more sense.

And he knew it was her too.

"That lying, cunning, conniving cat!"

After all the thinking that she had been doing, she only had one thing that she was fixated on running through her head.

She was going to get him.

Meanwhile, Tikki chuckled to herself at her chosen antics. She knew this reaction would be great.

Because, despite how switched on to the world of Chat she thought she was, Marinette found herself to be obtusely oblivious yet again.

—

Approaching Adrien seemed to be harder than she thought.

She didn't have any classes with him in the first few periods and what could she really do? Walk up to him and say 'Hey, so I just figured out your identity and now believe that you are not gay… would you like to eat my face?' Yeah that would go down amazingly and not supremely awkwardly at all.

Knowing Chat, it would probably go down a little bit to well.

When she asked Alya for assistance in this issue, she kindly told Marinette to shove him in a broom closet and get it over with. Alya had also sprinkled a few profanities in there as well for the benefit of extending the vocabulary of her 'cinnamon roll' friend but she didn't deem them necessary to repeat in her mind.

To be fair, Alya had been working overtime on her blog and school work as of late. Marinette was fairly sure that her blood consisted purely of caffeine and sugar at this point.

But to her credit, Alya's idea did have some merit. And it wasn't like she had many options or ideas at this point.

So for once in her now decidedly short life, she decided to take Alya's advice.

It was dark inside the closet. Pitch black. Eclipse light.

The type of light that was reserved for the twilight in story books and the perception of the world after you had been watching YouTube at four in the morning.

She should have been thinking about what she was going to say to this boy that she had literally dragged into the closet after her.

Yet the only thing that Marinette could think of at that moment was 'How could one room be so warm and freezing at the same time?'

Granted, the room wasn't exactly a room, it was more of an extended toilet stall filled with sports equipment. She could feel a lacrosse stick poking her back at an uncomfortable angle as she shuffled back to make more room for Adrien.

It hadn't been too hard to get him into the closet, just a hand grabbing the collar of his blazer and shutting the door behind. For someone who did fencing and ran around saving Paris in a tacky cat suit, he had extraordinarily bad reflexes.

Only one protest and 'meep' later, he was inside the closet. With her. That was the hard part done.

What was next? Ahh, the confession.

She could imagine Adrien's blinking emerald eyes adjusting to the darkness of the closet.

"What's the deal with the broom cupboard?" He said, startled.

Pausing, she could hear him craning his head to try and examine the surroundings.

"Marinette?"

It was her turn to meep.

"How did you know it was me?"

"I have great night vision, almost _cat-like._"

She could practically feel the smirk radiating of his face.

Time to wipe it off.

"You know your puns really _bug_ me, _Chaton_."

She could feel the intake of breath, soft, warm and hesitant.

"I guess you figured it out then, M'lady."

"My question is, when did _you _figure it out? Something tells me that this reveal wasn't news to you."

"Well-" he started sheepishly, "I may have accidentally figured it out on my own, It was something that Nino said that tipped me off first though. Something like, 'Mari would be a total kickass super hero! She's so selfless! She could have a name like Frosting Flower! Protecting Paris with the power of sugar, water and colour!' I disagreed with the name, it turned into this whole big thing..."

It turned out Adrien wasn't the only confusing friend that she had.

"But that got me thinking about all the super hero qualities that you had and then I started to compare and … here we are."

"Wow, I never knew that the Chat Noir could think!"

"Haha… he will always switch on for his Lady."

The room felt hotter than before, scorching and tingling like putting your hand on the side of a vibrating popcorn machine.

It turned warmer as Marinette tackled him into a hug.

"I'm glad it was you, my dorky partner and friend all one in the same. That's only one murder to commit." Marinette said, squeezing him tighter in the hug.

"Thanks Princess, I'm not sure about the murder thing yet but… we'll work that out later."

Marinette detangled herself and stepped away from him somewhat regrettingly.

"We better get to our next class," she grimaced, sliding the wooden door back.

Adrien hissed slightly as the light hit their eyes before stepping out of the closet and offering a hand to Marinette.

"In other news, would this lady like the privilege of going on a date with this cat?" He asked as Marinette stepped out of the cupboard and closed the door.

"Are you asking me out?"

At his nod, she smiled.

"I'm sorry, I don't date gay men! Such a shame that you just came out of the closet," she teased with a wink gesturing to the closet behind them.

Adrien barked out a laugh at the pun, funny how a cat can sound like a dog at the best of times. "You don't date happy people? Now that's just sad. I'm sure they were gayly happy before they met you. A cheeky and beautiful demon that pulls people into broom closets is bound to make them angry."

"Shut up!" Marinette laughed, flicking his nose lighty. "Maybe I'll reconsider if your a good kitty and buy me lunch."

"It would be my honour, princess." He beamed, taking one of her petit hands in his big one and slinging another arm around her shoulders, heading through the halls to their next class.

Meanwhile on the other side of the hall, Alya and Nino were propped up against the lockers, mouths agape. Alya's prized phone was hanging limply from her fingers as the couple tried to comprehend the scene in front of them.

"What just happened?" Alya asked dumbly.

Nino just looked at her incredulously, "What the hell did you say to Marinette?!"

"I just suggested to get that boy into a broom closet, I never thought she would go through with it!"

"What do you think they did in there?"

"What do people usually do in broom closets Nino!"

"These are the two most emotionally wrapped up people that we know. There too worried about their own feelings to notice anyone else's. And to innocent and dense to actually make out with each other in a closet."

Shaking her head, Alya's eyes turned molten. "I _need _to know what happened!"

Watching his girlfriend get up and stalk down the hall, Nino just sighed. He knew what it was like to be on the wrong side of Alya's wrath, he didn't want to get in the way of a painful interrogation.

As he stood and walked down the opposite and longer way to class, he promised himself to wear a suit to Adrien and Marinette's funeral. After all, that was the appropriate thing to do when one best friends were murdered by ones vicious girlfriend, right?

As Adrien and Marinette returned to class, blissfully unaware of the approaching hurricane that was Alya, Marinette allowed herself to get comfortable in Adrien's arm.

She was gayly happy as Adrien had said before.

Everything has a way of being explained and Marinette wouldn't have it any other way.

—-

Please Review! I love to hear your thoughts and this is my first fanfic for this fandom. It's stupid and somewhat a crack but I had time to kill so yay!

Also, leave a most confusing sentence in the comments if you want. I LoVE raNDOmNeSs!


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